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Dane Cook
!]] Dane Cook is an American comedian and visionary maker of cinematic adventures. In his ground-breaking hit film, Employee of the Month, he promoted the importance of a pro-family, heterosexual relationship, taking care of one's grandmother, and the horrifying results of loving anal. Dane's Amazing Marketing Abilities He has been called the George W. Bush of comedians; he might not be considered funny at first, but he tries really hard, and you just want to give him a chance. Other comedians and members of his audience say they would like to have a beer with him. He is sometimes called the "Dan Quayle" of comedy by older audiences who remember Poppy's VP, as there is little substance in his act, but he is so damn cute. Sometimes mistaken as a $cientologist due to his almost Cruisian level of confidence and energy. People confused by his routine often wake up the next day, look in the mirror and say to themselves, "Dane is right; I am glib". He uses good old-fashioned gumption to sell his show and himself as just a regular guy that everyone wants to have a beer with. (Don't hate the playa, hate the game) Occasionally he makes factual mistakes, but that just makes him that much better. Dane (I can call him Dane) understands the importance of marketing, not because he is the comedic equivalent of Milli Vanilli, but because this is a different world we are living in since 9-11. Dane Trivia * Dane's father got him his first comedy gig as the opening act for the "Cook Family Drunken Holidays" * Doesn't rely on frantic couch-jumping antics to be funny; his skill at language and characterization is much better than that. * Is the king of The Internets among the young, hip comedians. No one has more friends on MySpace.com than Dane (I can call him Dane) does. * Has absolutely nothing in common with Karl Rove; in fact, some people say he is the anti-Rove due to his complete lack of guile. * Loves his mother, and America * Eats raw sausages for breakfast, sometimes while listening to ZZ Top. * He is naturally unshaven and disheveled, despite making millions every year * Dane describes his routine as the equivalent to a "vanilla milkshake enema" due to the fact that his routine doesn't cover much, if any, controversial material, thus providing the audience with the feeling that their minds have been flushed, leaving behind a bland tastelessness. Dane's Original and Unique Comedy Stylings * Dane's first words were the first Knock-knock joke * "Take my wi-girlfriend please!" * "Joe Rogan, Louis C.K. and a hack joke-thief walk into a bar..." Dane's Influences * Willie Sutton * Dr. Lawrence J. Peter * George W. Bush * Milli Vanilli * Joe Rogan David Spade * Louis C.K. Kathy Griffin Dane's Balls Dane's balls are so huge he must store them in a special locked box, guarded by Blackwater against genetically inferior women. This is why some people have noticed his crotch looks like a girl's in tight jeans. Rest assured he can reproduce almost as well as the Greatest Vice President or Ann Coulter. See Also * Dennis Miller * Carlos Mencia